WILSON 5000 CB ANTENNA FROM HELL - FACTORY DIRECT REAR ORIFICE CRAPPER MAG 1000

Description

Wilson antennas were manufactured with the CBer in mind. With a product defect rate of over 90%, factory rejected antennas may include the following: Loose parts, plastic shavings and other foreign objects sealed inside the coil shell which sounds like a baby's rattle. Crimped antenna tips to shore up the glue that never stuck. Coax cable with gashes, cuts and creases, usually by the magnetic base where the drunk slave laborer forced it in with pliers. The protective magnetic plate may have bite marks, missing a corner or applied off center. The PL-259 connector is a 2-piece product which may have stripped threads or be crimped incorrectly.
HOW TO BUY A WILSON ANTENNA WITHOUT OBVIOUS DEFECTS FOR UNDER 00.00
(1) Order 25 units direct from Wilson Antenna. When they arrive, immediately sort out the mold deformities, disfigured or misshapen parts and cosmetic defects which will be at least 50% (12-14 units). Part out the antennas and discard the defective pieces.
(2) Look for frays or cuts in the coax cable and discard the section which also includes the magnetic base. This will leave you with 6-8 units out of the 25 you ordered.
(3) See if the antenna fits plumb in the base. You might get lucky and only need to throw out 2 or 3 more units in the garbage. See if the PL-259 connector is crimped on correctly. Don't force it or it will break, voiding the null warranty!
(4) Shake the loaded coil by itself. If you hear a loose screw or foreign object inside, don't panic it's not unusual. Dispose of the defective coil, but first chisel it open to see what the prize is. Then discard and continue testing.
(5) Assemble the 1 or 2 good units you have left and test the SWR. One of the antennas has a 50% chance of operating normal. You may need to discard all the antennas and purchase another batch of 25. I would try for a case of 100 to increase your odds.
These magnificent antennas have been extruded at high velocity from the rear orifice of Wilson's historic factory crapper and boxed up and shipped out to resellers. Some may look like they've been caught up in an F5 tornado and spit out at your doorstep, but Wilson does it out of love and respect for the fellow CBer.
Employees at Wilson Antenna with a combination of schedule-II narcotics, alcohol and possibly cocaine in their system strive to crank out as many antennas as possible. With hourly bonuses and bigger bowls of bleached rice for the work camp crew, the manufacturer is an icon in the industry for excellence.